i just had sex bonerless
if only i could text you this smell
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
