i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
NoShamevember. You game?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
