Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
