What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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