He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize