You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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