I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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