well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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