the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
