i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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