My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
