Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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