A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
