Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
