You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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