You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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