just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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