Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
