I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
sex in a hospital.. check
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
