Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
