Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I can't put those talents on a resume
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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