Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
