Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
