well you can't waste a boner
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
