Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Be still, my beating vagina.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
