before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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