Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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