I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
only you would photoshop your dick
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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