i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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