That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
