Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize