it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize