Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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