The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
