I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
