my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize