You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize