bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
