In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
