I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Me. At least after what I've been through.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
