Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She announced her abortion via fbk
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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