I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
