So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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