I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
