the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We talked him into tasing himself.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize