sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
