so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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