Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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