I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
