I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
