420 ftw
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
