I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
