she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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