It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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