My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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