Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize