just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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