Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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