he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Two words: blizzard sex
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
