i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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