Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
