when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
