if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
