i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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