Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Non-Jews are for practice
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
