I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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