currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
