I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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