Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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