I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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